I put the mic down, about two years ago.
Didn’t know if I’d ever pick it back up.
My Heart was in a dark & cold place.
Being a stay a “stay at home dad” was NOT what I saw or pictured my life turning into when I had just made the decision w/my wife 3-4 years ago to go “full-time music & ministry”, but…that’s where I ended up.
Felt “less” of myself, and “less of a man” for being a “stay at home dad” making just a couple hundred dollars a month or so, so my wife could work her dream job as a hairstylist in a super dope salon. I had lost my identity. Lost my sense of value.
I struggled w/coveting & being envious of some my friends & fellow class of CHH artists & friends that I had worked with during my years in the industry. I saw their platforms start to “take off” and venture into arenas and places we ALL knew we’d be at at some point. I couldn’t write music ‘cus I felt uninspired. Worthless. Lost. Confused.
I had SUPER CLOSE friends that I felt I had lost, due to trying to keep “biblical accountability” close is like we had always said we wanted from each other. But when it came to certain areas of life, nobody seemed to wanna hear it. Some friends walked the other way. 🤷🏻♂️
Watching & listening to other believers (and even some family) online (& off), some of which be pastors/leaders I looked up to…or even was semi-under/discipled by…speak about social injustices & “racism” situations that were happening in our community/country with the polar opposite heart of Jesus of the Bible & of the scriptures.
All this in-turn, made me begin to really wrestle with & question my own faith, my relationship w/God. It all led me down a path that would eventually rear its head as depression & some anxiety.
There is more I could breakdown and go into that’s happened thru the years for me personally… And maybe one day I will (either thru music, a vlog, a sermon, a book 🤷🏻♂️who knows) but…
All I know now is…
GOD IS FAITHFUL to His promises.
GOD has spared me and kept me, even in my darkest thoughts, questioning of who He is, and who His people really are.
GOD has been restoring my sense of self worth, my sonship, my identity as to “what it means to be a man”, and more.
I am grateful & thankful for those God has placed around me during/thru a lot of these times.
Joshua Overton, thank you.
Thank you for your patience with me over the past couple years. For taking time away from your wife, your kids, your things to do, for helping me sort thru a lot of these issues & filter them thru a healthy view within scripture. And helping remind me of WHO I am again. Thank you for being my (now) Pastor, but more importantly my friend when I needed a close one to just talk raw, real, and open with in a safe place at the time(s) I needed it most. No judgement or anything, just allowing raw & real Justin to speak and vent.
Rescue Church thank you.
Thank you for becoming a place, being a church family & community, that I’ve been able to regain my trust within the walls of the church again. For seeing the most in me, when I didn’t see it in myself. For allowing me to now have a platform, a leadership position, to use my heart, my passions, my talents & gifts for outreach & just loving on people IN & OUTSIDE of the church.
And last but not least…
Summer Babb Mitchell.
Thank you 🙏🏼 Thank you for seeing me in my deepest darkest moments and struggles mentally, spiritually, and not giving up on me. For always seeing the best in me. For always believing in & for the best in me. For championing me as a father & husband, when I have had moments were I felt like maybe I have fallen short of the mark at times. For helping assist in reminding me of who I am, and who I am not. For not quitting on God when things have gotten rough for yourself in these seasons, but pushing thru and praying with me and for me when I needed it most. I love you!
To everyone else (if you’re still reading this lol)
Thank you! Thank you for supporting and rocking with me. Wether I was rapping or not, you just caring and supporting for me and my family from a distance…THANK YOU!
Music has always been therapeutic in ways for me, and is definitely place I connect, not only w/the people & myself, but God at.
Not exactly sure what lies ahead w/music anymore with me, but I know it’s from a real & authentic place and it feels good to start on (what feels like) a fresh clean slate to create from. So…we shall see what happens.
I just want to LOVE GOD. LOVE PEOPLE. HATE SIN. AND ALWAYS KEEP IT 💯
Love you guys!!
– Justin –
a.k.a. Primisis
